I’ve been collecting tales of experts being wrong for some time, so this is not the first one.  In fact, in each of my seminars I recount a true story about walking down a hotel corridor in Chicago and hearing a voice coming through an open door, “So if someone is looking up to the right, they are lying.”  This was a seminar leader teaching a class with incorrect information.  I thought of sticking my head inside the room and yelling, “Do not say that. it’s incorrect.”  But I didn’t.

What I do is tell each of my seminar classes, “Do not believe anything I say.  Go out and test anything heard here for yourself.  See if it is true for you. ”

Body language “experts” do not seem to be able to stop themselves from assigning  universal meanings to  gestures, facial expressions, postures, spacing distance, etc.  Some of these generalizations are sometimes true, but often, not true.  The crossed arms over chest became so popular as an indication that the person was “closed to information” that a whole generation of Auditories (those whose favorite perceptual system is sound) have been mis-labeled, misunderstood, and viewed as “closed”.    Many Auditories, (not all) stand with their arms crossed and their head tipped to the left when they are paying close attention to whatever information  is being delivered by someone else.  It is called the “telephone posture” and is great for listening.  Remember, not all Auditories do this, but some do.

We do send true information about our internal climate with our bodies, but each of us is so different that generalizations must be taken with a grain of salt.  It is a temptation to lump bodily responses into categories and label them.  It is also a mistake.

While this expert, Bill  Acheson, has some useful deductions, he does not emphasize  that generalizations always have exceptions.  Or maybe the reporter, Kevin Howell, just left this important caveat, out of the article.   In the case of body language, there are so many exceptions that any  generalizations are dangerous.  He does note that a head nod has many different meanings for women, but then says a head nod has only one meaning for men.  Not true.  A close friend of mine, male, will nod yes, when he disagrees with you totally.  He is encouraging you to continue to make a fool of yourself spouting  information that he knows is incorrect.  He never corrects you.  He just enjoys his own expert-iseness.

The really tricky part of body language is that you have to learn what each gesture and outward movement means for this particular person.  No generalizations.   However, you can do this, by paying attention to the behavior patterns and matching or mismatching these to the verbal communication.  In about 5 minutes you can create a dictionary of meanings of patterns for each individual.  You can do this, if you are willing to look and listen carefully to your communication partner.  Many people are not willing to exert this much energy for a communication, so a lot of them will be saying to themselves, “She’s looking up; she’s lying.”

Happy communication.