FREE Video-Cast
with Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D.

DATE:  Wednesday June 16, 2010

TIME:  11am Pacific
(12pm Mountain, 1pm Central, 2pm Eastern)

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Of course, she’s right, and this explains many of the mysteries about how we act as we do. It is quite simple really. No, it’s not simple. It only seems to be at first glance. You might say that all the good stuff about humans (hope, spiritual insights, morality, kindness, connection, compassion, co-operation) resides in right brain processing, but that, of course is not true. It takes the left brain to carry out these impulses (even though the left brain is full of fear, jealousy, lies, deceit, immoral behavior, justification, etc). Actually, we need both brains working to be fully functional. It would be nice if most of our energy was funneled to the right brain. Or we evenly balanced both sides of our different brains. Freud was wrong in his divisions. It is left brain, right brain all the way. Watch Dr. Jill’s video again.

Since Pajaro Dunes is somewhat  isolated without any attractions other than sea, sky and a dangerous coastal road winding between the ocean and the mountains, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as the hours passed.    The morning exercises proceeded with all of us sort of waiting for her to show up.  Lunch came and went.  By mid-afternoon, the entire class was apprehensive and worried.   We called her office.  No one had heard from her.  We called her husband in New Jersey.  He said not to worry, that she sometimes did things that were hard to explain.  Fifteen of us continued to worry.  We called the Highway patrol to see if there had been an accident on the coastal road.  No accidents.

People who had joined her for breakfast were quizzed again.  Any hints that she might leave?  None.

Sometimes, the personal growth sections of the seminar upset the world view of participants so they  would go off to think over their memories, to try to fit the new information in with  what they had always believed about themselves and others.  However, this self-examination did not take all day.

By dark the entire class was on edge.  No one ate much dinner.  We sort of pushed the food around, then we walked back down the beach to the seminar house.  It was now 8 o’clock and the night was very dark.  We were discussing what would be a logical next step in searching when the missing person walked in, sat down, picked up her note-book from her earlier place, and looked at me.  I was speechless.

I finally stammered, ” Wh….Where were you?”

She was the only person in the room that was calm.  “I needed some time alone to think over what’s been happening.  I just drove.”

This seminar  and the participants were my responsibility, but each person in the class became involved in the problem.  When you contrast this episode with James Ray’s behavior in insisting that people stay in the sweat lodge even when one  participant had passed out on the floor and others were vomiting, you have to understand why he has been arrested.  When people join your seminar, you are responsible for their safety during the proceedings which you planned.  James Ray needs some instructions  on awareness of what’s happening in real time at this moment and the normal response to dangerous signs.

He is a poor role model.

Hello,
You presented an interesting thinking situation.  The brain is magical.  You just have to control it so it works to your advantage.
Let’s look at your problem of tardiness with some practical ways to change it.  First of all, some cultures do not consider being on time important.   Our culture does.  So if  you are to succeed in this U.S. culture, you must learn to be  prompt.  Or even better, ten minutes early.
It is non-professional in the educational or business world to be late.  It is also disrespectful to the party you are meeting.  Being late  conveys the message, in essence, “Your time is not as valuable as my time.  You can wait on me!”  Not a good message to send to anyone.
So here’s your new strategy.  You need paper and pencil for this.  Write down the times tomorrow that you really want to be at a particular spot.   For example, you have a class at nine and one at 1pm. You are also meeting a friend for coffee at 5, and have a date at 7pm.
Arrival time for 9am class…8:50am
Minus Time to walk from dorm to there 15 minutes
Gather class materials 7 minutes
Get dressed – 20 minutes?
Begin the process of being on time……..8:08
(If you are planning to stop to chat with people you encounter along the way, subtract  a few more  minutes from  your start time.)

Now, you are smart enough to adapt this to all situations in your life.  This promptness adds a plus  to your public image.

What I do is tell each of my seminar classes, “Do not believe anything I say.  Go out and test anything heard here for yourself.  See if it is true for you. ”

Body language “experts” do not seem to be able to stop themselves from assigning  universal meanings to  gestures, facial expressions, postures, spacing distance, etc.  Some of these generalizations are sometimes true, but often, not true.  The crossed arms over chest became so popular as an indication that the person was “closed to information” that a whole generation of Auditories (those whose favorite perceptual system is sound) have been mis-labeled, misunderstood, and viewed as “closed”.    Many Auditories, (not all) stand with their arms crossed and their head tipped to the left when they are paying close attention to whatever information  is being delivered by someone else.  It is called the “telephone posture” and is great for listening.  Remember, not all Auditories do this, but some do.

We do send true information about our internal climate with our bodies, but each of us is so different that generalizations must be taken with a grain of salt.  It is a temptation to lump bodily responses into categories and label them.  It is also a mistake.

While this expert, Bill  Acheson, has some useful deductions, he does not emphasize  that generalizations always have exceptions.  Or maybe the reporter, Kevin Howell, just left this important caveat, out of the article.   In the case of body language, there are so many exceptions that any  generalizations are dangerous.  He does note that a head nod has many different meanings for women, but then says a head nod has only one meaning for men.  Not true.  A close friend of mine, male, will nod yes, when he disagrees with you totally.  He is encouraging you to continue to make a fool of yourself spouting  information that he knows is incorrect.  He never corrects you.  He just enjoys his own expert-iseness.

The really tricky part of body language is that you have to learn what each gesture and outward movement means for this particular person.  No generalizations.   However, you can do this, by paying attention to the behavior patterns and matching or mismatching these to the verbal communication.  In about 5 minutes you can create a dictionary of meanings of patterns for each individual.  You can do this, if you are willing to look and listen carefully to your communication partner.  Many people are not willing to exert this much energy for a communication, so a lot of them will be saying to themselves, “She’s looking up; she’s lying.”

Happy communication.

SNAP!

CRACKLE!

POP!

That sound could be your dendrites as they make new habits of thinking, erasing old behaviors that are no longer useful to you.  Behaviors like anxiety and procrastination.  At the same time, these  old connections are being replaced with peace  and even, joy.  It is all in knowing how.

Simple shifts in the chemicals you are manufacturing for  your thinking can make an enormous difference in your life.

You create the chemicals.

You are in control.

By learning how to access your Right Brain, your glitches disappear.

Feel sad about your job loss?

Change it.

Feel anxious about an upcoming interview?

Change it.

Feel guilty about an argument with an old friend?

Change it.

Feel tension with too much to do?

Change it!

The steps to get your right Brain involved are:

1. Notice you are feeling an emotion you do not enjoy.

2. Look around you.  Look at three objects in your sight carefully.

3. Check out your big toe.  Is it comfortable? Squeezed?

4. Hot? Cold?

5.  Stay in the present moment, the NOW, for at least 90 seconds.

6.  Proceed with what you were doing before.  But first notice the peace and contentment present in your body.  Then notice any other positive emotions.

7. Use as often as you like.  What you really want is to balance the use of your Left and  Right Brains so both are available when you need their abilities.

Rapport is essential for agreements and ongoing relationships.

New Behavior Three

Awareness of Rapport and non-rapport signals and strategies to change non-rapport will improve your relationship.

Only you know the true meaning to you of the words you use.

New Behavior Two

Select words of the other and repeat them for increased clarity in communication.

Our eye movements reflect our thinking processes.  Knowing someone’s thinking processes helps you in understanding them.

New Behavior One:

The Most Important First Step to Understanding Another.

Watch eye movements up and say to yourself, “Pictures.”

Watch eye movements down right and say to yourself, “Feelings.”

For all other eye movements say, “Words and Sounds.